The Five Keys to Mindful Communication: Using Deep Listening and Mindful Speech to Strengthen Relationships, Heal Conflicts, and Accomplish Your Goals by Susan Gillis ChapmanMy rating: 4 of 5 stars
While there are five keys, the entire book centers upon an idea of stoplights:
Go with the green light.
Stop when the light is red.
Be careful when the light is yellow.
The author returns to this model in each of the segments of the book so there is some continuity. There are plentiful examples of what constitutes these green, yellow, and red light moments, and the walkthrough of mindful presence, mindful listening, mindful speech, mindful relationship, and mindful action is pretty clear. If the reader is new to mindfulness practice, this should be used in tandem with a book on basic meditation and mindfulness practices, as Chapman does not provide detailed suggestions. She does mention metta (aka "loving-kindness meditation), and it gets fairly spiritual, with images of "loving Mother" and such. She peppers in plentiful metaphors and analogies, some that work better than others, although mileage will inevitably vary on that front. What seems most crucial is to understand the "Stop when the light is red" not as a call to withdraw or freeze, but to turn inward and to recognize what she calls "closed conversation" patterns. There are some concrete "tips" and ultimately, as is the case with almost all books on mindful communication, it really is about practicing so that things like "speaking from the I" become habitual. I found the "seasons" analogy least helpful (applied in regard to relationships), but again, I think some parts will resonate differently with others. She did offer something about wedding vows that I thought quite potent: vows are statements of intention, but the import of those statements is no at the moment they are uttered, but when you come to those places in the road where those vows are inevitably tested. Seems obvious, but perhaps mindful attention to those vows as operating in this way could curtail (for some) a trip down the wrong path.
The audiobook was narrated by Gabra Zackman, and I had to keep reminding myself that I was not listening to the author. She has the perfect voice for the material, and keeps even the more ethereal/spiritual topics at an even keel, without that saccharine vibe that infects other books in the genre. The book has journal exercises, but what I found most helpful are the "seven stepping stones" at the end of the book. Others may benefit more from the self-reflection. As with most of these books, there is nothing earth-shattering that defies common sense, but Chapman does an admirable job of providing the stoplight anchor as a metaphorical model to encourage us to put mindful communication into practice.
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Stop when the light is red.
Be careful when the light is yellow.
The author returns to this model in each of the segments of the book so there is some continuity. There are plentiful examples of what constitutes these green, yellow, and red light moments, and the walkthrough of mindful presence, mindful listening, mindful speech, mindful relationship, and mindful action is pretty clear. If the reader is new to mindfulness practice, this should be used in tandem with a book on basic meditation and mindfulness practices, as Chapman does not provide detailed suggestions. She does mention metta (aka "loving-kindness meditation), and it gets fairly spiritual, with images of "loving Mother" and such. She peppers in plentiful metaphors and analogies, some that work better than others, although mileage will inevitably vary on that front. What seems most crucial is to understand the "Stop when the light is red" not as a call to withdraw or freeze, but to turn inward and to recognize what she calls "closed conversation" patterns. There are some concrete "tips" and ultimately, as is the case with almost all books on mindful communication, it really is about practicing so that things like "speaking from the I" become habitual. I found the "seasons" analogy least helpful (applied in regard to relationships), but again, I think some parts will resonate differently with others. She did offer something about wedding vows that I thought quite potent: vows are statements of intention, but the import of those statements is no at the moment they are uttered, but when you come to those places in the road where those vows are inevitably tested. Seems obvious, but perhaps mindful attention to those vows as operating in this way could curtail (for some) a trip down the wrong path.
The audiobook was narrated by Gabra Zackman, and I had to keep reminding myself that I was not listening to the author. She has the perfect voice for the material, and keeps even the more ethereal/spiritual topics at an even keel, without that saccharine vibe that infects other books in the genre. The book has journal exercises, but what I found most helpful are the "seven stepping stones" at the end of the book. Others may benefit more from the self-reflection. As with most of these books, there is nothing earth-shattering that defies common sense, but Chapman does an admirable job of providing the stoplight anchor as a metaphorical model to encourage us to put mindful communication into practice.
View all my reviews
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